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Shores of Despair: My life between happiness and sorrow (7), by Safinousta

29 June 2020, Safinousta

calm down sweetie, tell yourself that everything that happens is not accidental. This experience really shaped me and I am grateful for everything I have today.

The first episode, which was not unforgettable, of a series classified as horror category (for me) was past.

Mayriam was working to make her household rebound. After all, she was now linked to this man for life, the role of the housewife to be able to overcome the onslaught of the demon who lived in her husband was devolved to her. Perhaps one day, she would succeed in plunging this monster into a deep sleep in order to release the angel who had seduced him in the first days.

Days passed, their couple survived despite everything, Mayriam's efforts paid off. Hope was reborn.

A few months later Momar decided that they were going to move into his mother's house (their house he had bought 5 years ago was in the distant suburbs of Dakar) because he could no longer bear the long daily journeys with his busy schedules. In reality, this decision was more motivated by the incessant requests of her mother “Mom Sally” who said that she felt too lonely in her big house, her only daughter had just left for 3 years at least, to finish her law studies in Paris.

At first, her mother-in-law seemed to really appreciate her, Mayriam felt confident with her, she told her everything, entrusted to her all these joys, all these marital worries. She had however heard that Mom Sally had always wanted one of the daughters of her best friend named Anna to be half of her Momar, but soon became convinced that it was just rumors, the affection shown by her stepmother was enough to dispel all her doubts.

But this complicity did not last long.

3 years had passed, Mayriam felt more and more foreign in her house, she went from doctor to doctor, from traditional healer to traditional healer.

She was undergoing treatment of all kinds, when one did not work, she always trusted God and said that the next would work. Her professional projects were shelved, she wanted to devote herself to what seemed essential to her now, to give a child to her husband. Especially since Momar had advised her not to think about working at the very beginning of their marriage, her promises to let her build a solid career were gone like wildfire.

The latter was very attached to his wife and took care of her, at least according to the judgment of people, his family, his in-laws, in short, those around him.

She lacked nothing, she wore the most beautiful fabrics, the latest models published by Lifa magazine or even Miss Ebony, she dressed trendy and chic, she came to help her family. We even envied her without knowing what she was really going through.

In reality she took care of her person for the eyes of her husband, but the latter hardly appreciated all the attentions, he hardly listened to him, he was mostly hung on his phone when he was not in front of his working machine or absent for various professional reasons. Mayriam even wondered if these repeated absences were just due to the needs of her work. But she was positive, from the moment she never caught him doing or saying anything, until the doctor revealed to them that Mayriam's fertility rate was very low and that they had to provide a lot effort and perseverance to get there again. I say, again because it was after a miscarriage of Mayriam that this diagnosis was revealed to them.

It was the beginning of hostilities, between her husband who accused her of being incapable and who did not hesitate to show her infidelity. Her stepmother who called her a sterile woman.

And yes! The so-called stepmother-daughter-in-law complicity is based only on specific conditions.

It’s hard to swallow but it’s the sad reality of our societies. Either the perfect wife, perfect in passing rhymes with permanent distribution of gifts to the in-laws, having children with the right sex. If God gives you the chance to be able to have them, also ask him not to give you only girls or boys. Otherwise in both cases, the “goro”, the “ndieuké” or even the most “closed” spirits will serve you with each new birth the refrain: “ah lou mou amati jigeen” (she has a girl, again) or “ah lou mou amati goor” (she has a boy, again). Or simply the ideal woman not for your husband, but for them!

-Mayriam: My dear Mina, you cannot imagine all that they made me undergo. Naughty open sms that I could not help reading while tidying up Momar's desk or even making our bed when he woke up, because he left his laptop lying around where he wanted, emails exchanged with his conquests, he also gave himself the pleasure to leave his mailbox open.

I thought that maybe he wanted me to go away, to get out of his life. But wasn't it easier than he told me openly? I told myself that I had to fight, because marriage is not a farce, it is a serious commitment between two responsible people, so I had to stay not for him but for my honor. He could do what he sang, I will fulfill my role as a wife as it should be.

I was alone in this fight; my old allies had become my adversaries. Mom Sally didn't even deign to respond to my greetings anymore, what I prepared she barely touched. She created problems where there were none. For the maid she said that since the mission for which I was there I could not fulfill it, why would Momar treat me like the queen that I am not, she did everything to make the maid leave us.

-Mina: you, and your “drépano,” your mom never even wanted you to wash your own clothes!
-Mayriam: thanks to her, I got started. If it was only that, my sister-in-law had come back on vacation and she too had ganged up on me and fervently supported her mother in her plans to make Anna, and who moreover was her best friend, his brother's second wife.

They were quick to put Momar in this girl's nets. She demanded an apartment from Momar, the princess had her job and could not stay at home to take care of a mother-in-law. And to say, it was indeed Mama Sally who favored her. My husband stayed at home 2 days a week. Polygamy and impartiality do not match at the same time in some people despite the precise texts which govern it.

Barely 2 months of marriage, my co-wife was already expecting a baby, the ultrasound revealed a little later that a boy would soon be part of the family. Mom Sally was thrilled, Momar himself, we don’t even talk about it.

After 6 months of treatment without success, I decided to turn to modern medicine, I had become loyal to one doctor, of all those who had consulted me, he was the only one who was really optimistic and to 100% with me. His advice made me feel good, he always asked me not to stress myself unnecessarily because of others, he asked me to be the master of my emotions, that I should in no case focus on the twists that made me suffer or on people around me; but to focus on what could really help me reach my goal.

And in this fight, mom has always been there to support me despite her illness. She felt guilty for not giving me time to make my own choice, to make the right choice she always said that it was all their fault, aunt Racky and she had done everything to make me the wife of this man. They said that the greed of some parents poisoned the happiness of their children.

This is how I managed to get pregnant 2 months later. And the news had relieved her, I even hoped at some point that she was going to be okay.

-Mina: mom told me for her, life is sad.
-Mayriam: yes, she left us the day after my delivery. I still remember these last words…

“Do not let anyone make your life bitter, life is a present, to each his mission on earth, the good Lord has given us this opportunity to live to fulfill it, it is up to you to fill the pages of your own book, it is up to you to make sure you appreciate the benefits of this universe so that in the end you can close the last chapter of your life in joy and fullness that you would have transmitted to yourself and that you would have transmitted to others.”

At the beginning an affectionate desert surrounded me. But Asta was there. Despite all the harm Momar has done to me, I will always be grateful to him for giving me my daughter my mother's name. My aunt Racky barely came to visit me, my uncle was even more diligent at home than she was. For a new mother, I realized the essential role that a mother played in such circumstances but Alhamdoulilah I managed as best I could.

-Mina: yes it's a shame, you only know those who really care about you in the difficulties of life (Mina said these words, tears in my eyes), I'm really sorry, sorry that you have lived all this alone.
-Mayriam: calm down sweetie, tell yourself that everything that happens is not accidental. This experience really shaped me and I am grateful for everything I have today.
-Mina: But after Asta's arrival, your in-laws always adopted the same posture?

Do you think they changed their attitude towards her?
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