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Yet my heart seemed to want the opposite, I needed her... Chronicle of a “multi-bachelor” (13), by Amlesage

13 August 2021, Amlesage

Life is really bitchy and fate has the pleasure of putting us in really embarrassing situations. What purpose?

Surely to learn from it. And me, I'm not good at learning lessons; my life is too perfect for me to start thinking about things that will not move me forward. I am a gift from heaven and if I did not exist, I would have to be invented. I say this in all modesty, because in other circumstances, I would say, if I did not exist, the world itself would not exist. I consider myself to be Baghdad; I am a “gift from God”. I am the Jules phenomenon… A one of a kind being that many men envy but don't dare to admit, that some women hate but who leave no one indifferent.

The only guy who impresses me a bit is my cousin. His name is Al. Of course, that's not his real first name, besides, he hates being named, which is why I'm giving you his first name so late. This man is there, blessed by the dating god, he knows how to deal with women. He had the verb, the eloquence. He turns any dire situation in his favor.

This brilliant man had bowed down to me, to my science; he called me "the prophet of the pickup." And I accepted that nickname with pleasure.

Al didn't agree with me when it came to Bijou. For him, I was carried away by a euphoria that I could not love. This word is for him the most paradoxical thing in the universe. He couldn't explain it but after careful consideration, I Jules was able to understand and give him ideas to support his opinion. All men are born free, they say, aren't they? You and I are claiming the right to liberty. However, love is a kind of attachment that deprives us of freedom. “Attachment is nonsense, an incitement to pain. Sentient beings attach themselves and become dependent on each other... "You loudly claim the right to freedom while showing attachment: you love. Find the mistake!

So according to Al, no way I'll see Bijou again. Yet my heart seemed to want the opposite, I needed her, to touch her. I needed her to be mean to me. Which she stopped doing a few days after we were officially together.

Yes, during the famous meeting, she had one of those looks that penetrate you and make you feverish, that kind that makes you let your guard down. There, I was defenseless in front of her, she was controlling this girl. We went to the refreshment bar to have a drink. She was talking, talking; I was drowning in her eyes. She was moved talking to me, a little angry and her eyes were teary, when I looked I saw an ocean of tenderness. A brilliance such as to dispel all that was behind and in front of her. The world around us didn't stop me from embracing her as she complained. A stolen kiss is so tasty but so much tastier when it's done.

Bijou had let her guard down too and I reached her, we were together again but she didn't keep playing it, telling it, challenging me. She started playing in love, wanting hugs, those kinds of things that aren't for me.

You women want to be cuddled and taken care of. This is normal, but with Jules, be careful not to ask for too much! Besides, don't ask for it.

Naturally, I went to see Sosso to decompress and to forget everything that had happened. She knew about it all but didn't even ask me about it. She knew I needed to forget, to start over. And there's no better place for that than Sosso's body.

I had to break up with Bijou, Sosso didn't like him either. So I made her break up her and not me. I didn't want to sound like the bad guy again.

I used Soda for that, poor "ndeysane" girl. I just made her believe she was beautiful and she started to move closer to me. Of course Bijou didn't like it. She gave me an ultimatum to stop Soda from lurking around me. She didn't know that was what I was looking for. I let Soda play her game and Bijou couldn't take it, she broke up. I won once more.

I had become multi-tenant in the strict sense of the term, without any ties. And to satisfy my desires, it wasn't just Sosso, my repertoire was full, just girls and ready to satisfy me.

The only girl I had dated and hadn't slept with is Fatima. I wanted her.

There was also Eva who no longer spoke to me.

This unfinished taste for these two girls sticks in my throat, I can't swallow it.

Over the next few days, I texted Eva, she didn't answer, I tried to call her, she didn't pick up. I no longer understood anything. In class, she was running away from me.

I went to buy a pink bunny teddy bear with chocolate. Doesn't it feel romantic? I called her mother who confirmed that Eva was home and that she was asleep. A few minutes later, I was in their living room chatting with his mother who kept asking me for news about Uncle. I realized she just wanted to know if there was a woman in her life. So, I told him "wa tata why dou nguène ko takal diabar" (why, you can't find a wife for him)

There was a big smile on his face and I murdered him, saying I know he (Uncle) loves women like you; he talks to me about you a lot.

While she was feasting with those words, I went up to see Eva; she didn't know I was there.

She was still sleeping and I woke her up.

HER: What are you doing in my room?
I: I'm sorry for everything that happened; I acted like an unconscious mind.
HER: Ok, that's good, but now you're backing off.
I: I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I beg you to forgive me.
HER: You ridiculed me in front of everyone and you think you just have to show up there to think it's all over.
I: No, I am aware that I have yet to earn your trust but give me a chance to do so and I promise not to disappoint you again. Pending acceptance of these gifts from me.

I took out the teddy bear and the chocolates to give to her. My choice was not fortuitous, she told me that she liked milk chocolates and teddy bears, she couldn't sleep without them. It was good because his was not so comfortable anymore.

HER: Why, can't you act well?
I: I want it but I need to have you on my side to make it happen. In you, I find the strength to fight to find the best for myself. (Chattering is my forte).

There she was touched by my words and had forgotten my pain.

HER: I don't want to see you hanging out with any girl anymore and you have to do whatever I tell you. This is the only condition.
I: Okay, all I want is to be with you.

I gave her a hug and stayed with her. It was sweet and romantic, we ate the chocos together.

She thought I was going to comply with her request, never to see a girl again; it was still pretentious of her.

As soon as I left my house, I went to see Fatima; it was my lucky day, so I might as well take advantage.

It was a Saturday night; Fatima had to go to her basketball practice. I know all the details of this girl's life.

I watched her play the field, she was just radiant. As soon as she saw me sitting on the bench, she became confused before stepping off the pitch. Straightforward as she is, she came to me to ask me, what the hell I was doing there. What? I am not allowed to come and watch.

She ‘begged to leave because the team was preparing for a qualifying match. cut of je ne sais quoi.

I begged him to listen to me first. I just needed five minutes with her to make myself heard.

HER: Go find your bitch (speaking of Sosso)

Fatima had a weakness and I knew it. This weakness was me, he liked everything I did. Reason why, she was running away from me. There she was caught, she could no longer flee, and she risked her place as team captain if she ever left training.

I: Angel (she loved it when I called her that, what an angel) I love you and I will not let anyone separate us.
Her: you tell that to everyone, I know you well.
I: You are my first love and I can't forget you.
SHE: You're too cheeky (she liked it about me, she told me), tell me what you want, I have my training here.
I: Loving you is all I want. Give me my chance again.

She assured me that we were going to talk about it again after her training, but that I was distracting her.

So I left and in the evening I called him to invite him out. It was Saturday night. I took her to eat something and we talked, talked. She was really angry with me, every word she said came from the bottom of her heart. She spoke to me so frankly, she let off steam and I felt small because I hurt her. I felt ashamed of my actions, never had a woman touched me like this with emotion.

Corn ; in the end it is always Jules who wins, when in front of the door of her house, I dropped her off and she said to me "please, don't make me suffer like that anymore", I have her. kissed her on the forehead to reassure her and I said goodnight to her.
I was relieved that I did all of that, get Fatima and Eva back. I felt a certain pleasure, I felt uplifted but deep in my heart, and I still felt a total emptiness. I kept feeling bad; I knew I was in love but which girl? There was the concern. Of all the ones I knew, it could be anyone.

The next day, I woke up, the house was quiet, by the way for a long time it has always been that way and I always made my coffee myself. Yet I hadn't paid attention to it. I thought it was my depression that made me see it this way. But, that was something else, the zest for life that there was in the house was gone. The only reason is that Mai (the maid) no longer came to work.

She was the reason for the loneliness I felt in my heart and not Fatima or Eva. It was Mai that I missed, I really loved her, whom I say love, I mean love in the truest sense of the word and I decided to embrace this love.
But, why, she didn't come to work anymore? I didn't know. What if I got her pregnant? Oh my god not that.

I decided to find out more because not only was I close to her, more than I even thought, but I might have knocked her up.

What have I done again?
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