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Lydia, a nasty and heartless gold digger... Maze (8), by N47

30 January 2021, N47

My God, people don't know the value of feelings. How can we play with other people's feelings? Are mine more precious than those of others?

I didn't waste my time and along the way I told myself in my head that this was a necessary evil because when trust dissolves in a relationship, there is nothing left. I didn't want to live in doubt under any circumstances. A partner that you don't trust at all, she would be cowardly things to keep you and I find it poisonous to the mind. No I don't want any kind of relationship I told myself.

I digress to talk a bit about her ex. Even though I am unable to notice a man's beauty, I know how to appreciate his qualities. He was decent, good looking, flirtatious, and well educated. Like me, he was as poor as a mosque rat, which means he was a student too. I know they lasted together and sometimes I say it was curiosity that drove her to me, because in a lifetime of knowing only one man, we are tempted to measure our power of seduction. In women this power occupies a large place in her life, women love to please, that's a fact. Come to think of it, this isn't a bad option.

I arrived at her house, as usual she greeted me but with great embarrassment. I greeted everyone and chat a bit with the family and after that we made it alone.

- Me: Lady, how are you doing?
- Lydia: I am fine, thank God.

Oh my God, she couldn't even look me in the eye.

- Me: I'll be brief, I got your text. I am not asking you for any explanation and I will not give you any justification as well. This is how it will go: I will make things easier for you by ending our relationship. But know one chosen thing that I never failed in what I said at the beginning or if so tell me right away and when was it? (She doesn't say anything and I continue…) In general it's the honest people who always find themselves abused, I accept it but I will never lower my eyes in front of you and you will never stop respecting me, I worked hard for that. I wish you very honestly and from the bottom of my heart a good continuation and a lot of good things for the future. Don't bother, I know the way out.

Once outside, I had a light heart and peace of mind, I took a deep breath, I put on my headphones, I had a cigarette (it must be said that at that time I was smoking like an exhaust) direction at Yann's. Every night all the friends met there to chat over tea. On the way I was listening to the singer “Grand Corps Malade” and a song caught my attention “I have no words,” it's been a long time since I had his album but it's as if these words had meaning that at that moment because identical to the current situation that I was living which made that night remained engraved forever in my memory. “It is an icy memory like that evening in December where your burning hopes have given way to ashes.” Indeed I saw my hopes fly away and yes indeed it was one evening of December 28th.

Once at home I wanted to burn everything that reminds me of her, I said “wait, this act is cowardly it's a real sign of weakness so in the same way I made her come into my life well so I'm going to pull her out and who knows it's definitely the best thing for her and me.” I was still hurt and angry. So I made a resolution, it's no longer about serious, it's no longer about being nice, it's no longer about being faithful; all these are useless. I would do whatever I liked and that's it. However, I tried but failed, I felt disgusting. No matter the pain, if I had to repeat the same mistakes and experience the same suffering I would do them again because I am like that, this is the education I received and it is my nature. If I did otherwise, I would have borrowed a mask. I was taught to be honest, I was taught that it is the word that covers a man if she misses it, it is as if she was laid bare.

I thank the good Lord for granting me a fighting spirit that has allowed me to overcome obstacles and so far I have never surrendered or wavered. When I have my knees on the ground it is to pray and not to give up.

Life went on, without realizing it the grief gave way to memories that I relived from time to time. I had decided to focus on my professional life anyway. I had finished this internship and had to find another one if I didn't have a job. So I put aside everything that is romantic because I didn't want an adventure but a serious relationship. So I had to be patient and sure of my choice.

Five months later I received a text from her “Hey, I got married yesterday.” I smiled and answered him with my wishes and everything. It was later that I found out that she had not married her ex. In fact, this is what happened: She had met an executive in Saint Louis who took charge of her. When things got serious and the guy started talking about marriage, she started to change her attitude. This was when she had distanced herself from me and I rarely heard her. What went on in her head I don't know and I don't care about it. She had apparently fallen in love with the guy. This marriage would guarantee her a certain future while we (her ex and I) were still under cover (S / C). She set up a strategy to wipe her ex and me off the board. So knowing that whatever my love for her, I will never forgive her an infidelity and break up on the spot, she threw me this famous text. As for her ex, finding no excuse or reason to stick to her, she said nothing at all until the day the wedding date was set. Very surprised by this bad news, her ex had a depression and since then he is not crazy but he is not the same anymore, something in his humanity has been torn from him and he is currently an executive in an NGO in Thiès, a city in Senegal.

My God, people don't know the value of feelings. How can we play with other people's feelings? Are mine more precious than those of others?

I continued my solitary and unattached walk, I felt good there even though sometimes we need tenderness, a feminine presence. The presence of the other in fact gives us the balance we need to evolve. When I met a couple I would look at them and say to myself quietly "I hope you know the value of what unites you and that you can take good care of it.”

Two years had already passed and sometimes it's as if I never loved her as even the memories I had of her faded over time. And since fate is ironic, without suspecting it was going to give me my best lesson in love, the one we commonly call great love.

One evening when I was coming back from my training a friend called me saying that she had a girlfriend who was oriented here and that she wanted me to be her mentor. As for her in her troublesome times I was there for her, the way she would like me to be for her girlfriend. I didn't want to and refused, but it didn't count on her determination to change her mind. She was a girl who spoke too much as if she had diarrhea in her mouth but with a heart of gold.

- Me: hoooo basta ok! Where is she?
- The friend: She has to come tomorrow, I gave her your number and here is hers 77 *******. Her name is Penda.
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