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Love and family

What questions should you ask before considering marriage?

17 December 2021, Seytoo
What questions should you ask before considering marriage?

When it comes to choosing the right man or woman for their life, no one wants to go wrong. Yet with divorce statistics, it seems many are taking the wrong approach in their search for a soul mate! If you ask most couples what they are getting married for, they'll say, “We love ourselves.”

This is the first mistake. Choosing a lifelong mate should never be based on love alone. Even if it sounds unorthodox, there is a very deep truth to this idea. Love is not the basis of marriage, but rather the result of a successful marriage. If all the essential ingredients are present, love will also appear. Let's say it again: you can't build your relationship just on love. It's not sufficient. Here are five questions you need to ask yourself if you are determined to get married and stay that way.

1. Do you have a common ideal? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: if you assume that you get married for a few decades, it takes a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do together all this time? Traveling, eating, and jogging? You have to share something much deeper and more essential. You need a common ideal. Two things can happen in a marriage: whether you get closer or separate. Half of the world’s couples divorce. First and foremost, for your marriage to work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone with similar goals.

2. Is it safe for you to express your feelings and thoughts to her? This question goes to the very heart of the quality of your relationship. “Safe” means you can communicate openly. The basis of good communication is trust, the assurance that you will not be “punished” or “hurt” for expressing your thoughts or feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone who is afraid to reveal their thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself about this. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you are considering marrying.

3. Is he "a man"? (A real one) That is to say: is he a sensitive and delicate person? How can you find out? Here are some suggestions: Does she make regular efforts to perfect her character? Does she seriously want to improve? One of my teachers defined a good person as "someone who always strives to be good and to do what is right". You can also ask yourself other particularly revealing questions: What does she do with her time? Is she materialistic? A materialistic person is usually not very inclined to improve his character. There are mainly two kinds of people in the world: those who are dedicated to self-improvement and those who are dedicated to the pursuit of comfort. If her goal is comfort, she will put her personal well-being before doing what is right. You better know this before you step under the wedding canopy.

4. How does she treat others? The main quality that makes every relationship flourish is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give pleasure to another. Ask yourself if she enjoys giving pleasure to others or if she is withdrawn and concerned only about herself. To assess this, consider how she treats people she is not obligated to be nice to, such as waiters, taxi drivers, bus drivers. How does she treat her parents, siblings? Is she grateful to them? If she isn't showing gratitude to those who gave her everything, don't expect her to show gratitude to you who can't! Does she gossip, talk badly about others? Someone who has such a habit cannot love other people. You can be sure that someone who treats others negligently will treat you negligently as well.

5. Is there anything about this person that I would like to change once we get married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of “reforming” them after their marriage. As one of my colleagues put it: “You must expect that if someone changes after their marriage it is for the worse! If you cannot fully accept this person as he is today, then you are not ready to marry him. In conclusion, a meeting is not necessarily difficult, nor treacherous. The key is to run things a little more with your head and a little less with your heart. You have everything to gain by being as objective as possible during your meetings; this will allow you to ask the questions that will lead you to the key topics.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with the ring on your finger, you better have already done your "homework" or else you will be in serious trouble.

So before getting married, before going to say yes to town hall or anywhere else, think about this text, think about it and know that love alone is not enough.
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