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What should you know about sexual incompatibility?

18 December 2021, Seytoo
What should you know about sexual incompatibility?

The problem is, the idea has spread among our contemporaries that when it comes to sexuality, you are either “compatible” or not.

Whether you are religious or not, whether you believe that it was God or nature that created man and woman, the job has been well done and our bodies are perfectly suited to be unified!

There is little possible mechanical incompatibility between a man and a woman: the success of the sexual relationship does not depend very much on the “physical” itself, but will on the other hand be strongly influenced by the emotional quality of relationship, the mutual trust of the spouses, the “mental representations” they have of sexuality (for example: it's beautiful; it's dirty; ...), the experiences already lived in this area, etc. But above all from their ability to dialogue on the subject: too often, we believe that the other will guess what makes you happy, guess your expectations, and guess what to do or not to do. Well no! The other does not guess, we have to talk about this subject!

The problem is, the idea has spread among our contemporaries that when it comes to sexuality, you are either “compatible” or not. And as in addition, they believe that a successful couple life is based on a sex life where the pleasure is necessarily always intense and always there, there are indeed some disappointments! Hence the apparent need to live together before committing in order to verify that our “sexual personalities” will match. Here too, we “forget” (but did we ever know?) that sexual harmony is a mutual learning process that takes time. It is not a successful sex life that allows you to have a harmonious couple life, but quite the opposite! A man and a woman who respect each other, who are attentive to each other's desires, rhythms and needs, who are able to talk about it without taboos, will be able to unite under the best possible conditions.

In addition, what makes love grow is more the quality of love with which we have lived the union than pleasure: pleasure is a mean of increasing communion between spouses. From the moment we make it a goal; we risk being disappointed as soon as this goal is not optimally achieved. And there begins the frustration.

A serious and difficult situation arises when a person with an unacknowledged homosexual tendency still decides to marry in order to obtain a social status other than that of a homosexual person and to suppress this tendency, without talking about it to his spouse. It happens then that this person does not feel any desire for his spouse and is unable to unite with his spouse.
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